November 30
Margaret Sloat, Park Street Church Elder
About fifteen years ago, a group of friends were organizing a ski trip, and it sounded like fun, so I said I was in. As the details got ironed out, however, I realized the cost of the trip was outside my budget. I emailed the organizer of the trip and explained that I was not going to be able to join after all. By backing out of the trip, however, I had made it that much more expensive for everyone else, and there was quite a bit of frustration and anger at my decision.
A few days later, I ran into the trip organizer and decided the best decision was to confront the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize I would be causing this much drama.”
He looked me right in the eyes and said, “I forgive you.”
I remember taking a physical step backwards at his declaration. While I had apologized, technically, being told I was forgiven suddenly made the weight of my apology seem heavier. Had I actually done something that rose to the level of forgiveness? I realized that while I had said, “I’m sorry,” I had expected for him to reply, “Don’t worry about it,” and brush it off. I had tried to appear repentant without actually taking responsibility for my own actions and had put the ensuing drama on the rest of the group, instead of my own decisions.
If you have taken communion at Park Street, you are likely familiar with Psalm 51. This Psalm is David at one of his lowest points—the prophet Nathan has confronted him with his sin (2 Samuel 12:13) and David cries out to the Lord. He takes responsibility for his sin, repents of it, and asserts his assurance that the Lord will restore the joy of salvation. It is tempting to rush straight through to verse 7 and focus on being cleaned, washed, and whiter than snow, or even to focus on verse 12 and claim restoration and joy. But true repentance requires us to also dwell a while in verses 3-6, taking responsibility for our sins before the Lord.
During advent, it’s equally tempting to skip right through to the joy of the season (and hopefully snow!). But before we get there, we must spend some time preparing ourselves to meet Jesus by confessing our sin and repenting. Only then is our joy made complete.